Cinderella

Once upon a time, many a moon ago, I was reading my friend Jenn-Lee's blog. She had a playlist on it at that point and the song that came on was Steven Curtis Chapman's song called Cinderella. (In order to get the video to embed in a post, I had to create a separate post for it - it will be the post directly under this one.) I know you'd probably like to jump right to the video and watch it, but just hang tight for a minute.

Tonight was the night the kids went back to their dad's. The past couple weeks have been especially frustrating for me. There are so many things that weigh heavily on me, and one big one is the struggle with my kids. And this time it's not because I'm a single mom. Ever since my kids were toddlers, I knew there was something they struggled with. Jonah was so young at the time, I wasn't really aware of much with him, but even for Natalie, by the age of 3, I knew something was going on. And I went to her pediatricians and I asked about it. They told me she'd grow out of it. I persisted after seeing that preschool wasn't doing much by way of progress. We were referred to a behavioral pediatrician that wasn't much help either. Fast forward to here and now. Yesterday, Natalie had her speech evaluation. She's nearly 5. I have noticed some improvements, but her fits are becoming more frequent. She's moody. She doesn't listen well (AT ALL). She cries and screams hysterically, sometimes over nothing at all. She'll be adding speech therapy to the array of appointments every week, and by next month, both kids will also be in occupational therapy. They both have sensory issues in addition to their speech delays - and Jonah is actually the more severe case. The events of the last few weeks have played over and over in my mind. What else could I be doing? How long will we go through this?

I like to plug my iphone into a transmitting thingy so that my music will play on the speakers of my car. Tonight after I was alone and driving back home, I had it on shuffle like I normally do, and the Cinderella song came on. I know I typically blame my emotional outbursts on stress and lack of sleep, but I'm gonna mix it up a little bit and throw hormones in there too this time. Anyways... the song came on and by the second line I was crying. My whole face was wet, and I'm saying the words out loud and I'm a hysterical mess. I'll post the lyrics in a minute, but the first verse says 'she spins and she sways, to whatever song plays, without a care in the world. And I'm sitting here wearing the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's been a long day and there's still work to do, she's pulling on me saying "dad I need you"...' THAT my friends, is when I lost it.

Natalie's new favorite thing to do is dance for her daddy. She loves to pretend like she's a ballerina and when she does the video call with her dad, all she wants is for him to watch her dance. As I was listening to the words and barely saying them out loud, 2 things became clear to me. 1st - I have a daughter who worships the ground her dad walks on. Regardless of what he's done to me. She doesn't know what happened, all she knows is that her daddy is the most important person in the world to her. 2nd - how easily I could replace the word "daddy/dad" in the song with "mommy/mom" and it still have the same impact. The message is the same, regardless of which parent it is directed at. How many times has my sweet baby wanted me to dance with her (in a metaphorical sense), and I was too busy being upset or stressed or frustrated. I can't imagine how difficult life is for her little mind to wrap itself around. I've lived it, in a slightly different way, but I was so young when it happened to me, all I've ever known is the dad that raised me and my sister. (and siblings. lol) But I don't think I had the same set backs as Natalie does. Her speech, her sensory disorder, her daddy not being with her every day. She's endured so much at such a young age and I need to stop and take time to dance with my baby girl. She won't be little for long, and eventually she'll come to the years where she probably will hate me. I need her to feel like my Cinderella, long after this part of my life has passed.

Steven Curtis Chapman - Cinderella

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "dad I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, daddy please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of her dress
She says "dad the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, daddy please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says "dad the wedding's still 6 months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh please, daddy please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

I can't even type the words without sobbing like a baby. To my dancing Cinderella, Natalie.... I love you.

The single mom

(PS... go watch the video so you can hear the song if you've never heard it before. But maybe grab some kleenex... if you don't need them, I do. lol)

Steven Curtis Chapman - Cinderella (Music Video)

My OTHER blog... lol

Yes I know... I've had probably 8 in the last 5 years, but don't hate! I'm just multi-talented! lol This one and my recipe blog are the only two I keep up with for now. My other blog (that I made private) doesn't get any posts added to it.. it's really there now for archive stuff. Maybe one day I'll have money to print it out and make it book, but at the same time... I'm not so sure I'd want some of THAT stuff published. lol That was a different life... But whatev! Moving on!

My recipe blog The Foods I Love is still up and running and when I can remember to add stuff to it, I do. I'm always up for other people sending their recipes to me, too! I'm about to add a category of recipes that can be made in 30 minutes or less (just call me your own Rachel Ray.. lol), and there's a search bar to find specific recipes without having to go through every post to find it. I need to add a blog roll to this blog... I want my followers back! lol My other blog had close to 40, which now doesn't seem like that many, but I felt popular. lol

Oh... in random bits of information, if I end up dressing up for Halloween (which I probably won't cause I have to pick up the kids from their dad), I'm going to dress up like Paula Deen. hahahahaha.

I have more things to post about, but I'm in the middle of 3 loads of laundry and putting dinner in the oven ... bathrooms need to be cleaned and kids haven't had naps today, so I'm up to my elbows in other stuff!

Song of the day: Kelly Clarkson - Sober



More soon!
The single mom

.....

Has anyone out there seen the show on Disney Channel - Special Agent Oso??

I HATE THIS SHOW. The singing head creeps me out. Her voice is like nails on a chalk board to me. The graphics, although surely cutting edge and attempting 3-D creep me out too. Couldn't they design better looking characters? Or something?

The only thing that I can find humorous or not annoying about this show is when he says "It's all part of the plan... more or less" ..... ha. Amen to that.

15 more minutes til this show is over... I need to find something else to do. lol

Annoyed at Oso...
The single mom. :P

Bothered.

Even in the midst of chaos, sometimes things clear up JUST enough that I get a tiny glimpse of peace. It's in those times of quiet and contentment that I get bothered. I may or may not have a point to all this, just fair warning. lol

**FIRST... I want you to watch this and laugh for a minute, so when I say the word 'bothered' ... the voice of Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Robert Pattinson is stuck in your head. lol** 

***also important to note, the people of England/Britain/United Kingdom/etc use the word 'bothered' in the sense of 'I don't care'...... I learned this. But I'm speaking of the American version of bothered, which means something is upsetting you. lol***

Bothered. 1) insignificant complaining. Yeah, yeah.. I'm guilty of it too. Have you READ my blog? lol But I'm talking about the kind of complaining-can't-see-the-forest-for-the-trees kind of complaining. Probably a big deal to the person complaining at the time, but from an outsider's point of view... it doesn't matter. Get over yourself. Just sayin. (Now, don't get all preachy on me and tell me that we're supposed to have compassion for all, even if they're having a bad day and it may not seem like a big deal to us.. etc, etc... I know. But sometimes... enough is enough. Feel me?) - also in this category ... continuous Debbie Downers/Pessimistic Peters. Yeah ... I heard ya. Your life sucks. Moving on.

Bothered. 2) Judgemental people. Does this one even need explaining? Take for example, ALWAYS on the chopping block of being judged - parenting. One of my favorite blog world celebrities, Dan posted recently about a dad he saw in Costco that he wasn't too thrilled with. He talked about how the dad was gritting his teeth and crushed his son's heart because the little boy asked for ice cream.. and the dad time after time threatened his son, etc. Now that post in particular got THOUSANDS of comments from his fans and followers who automatically assumed abuse and that the cops, DSS, employees, the president, and everyone else in the entire store should have been on edge and ready to attack and report him because this dad is more than likely abusing his kid. I'm going to be the lone voice and say I think not. Maybe it's different when it comes to the dads, because the dads don't necessarily spend as much time with the kids as moms do. But let me tell you right now ....... do you know how many times I've been out in public and I'm sweating like a sinner in church, my kids are running all over the dang store, neither one is listening to me, I'm at my wits end and I have HAD.IT.UP.TO.HERE with them? Do you know how many times in those instances I get the fire in my eyes and grit my teeth and fly off the handle because my kids asked something as seemingly insignificant as what we're having for dinner? Do you know how many times I have told my kids if they move one more step, they're going in time out as soon as we get back home? Can you see where I'm going with this? I love my kids more than life itself. I wouldn't have fought so hard to keep them if I didn't love them. Am I stern? You bet I am. I may not be as much fun as the next mom or dad. I may be stressed a lot. But I assure you, I am not abusive to my kids. Do you see how making assumptions about what kind of parent someone is based on 5 seconds to 5 minutes can be detrimental? There's a very fine line to walk between interferring in people's lifes and possibly saving them. The parents who are TRULY abusive can even be the ones who seem sugary sweet to practically everyone they know, not to mention strangers. I've witnessed it enough before to know that there are times of calm, usually called the calm before the storm. It's rarely (if ever) done in public, always at home. Now, I tell you these things because I've been the parent that people thought they needed to glare at or approach and accuse me of being "too hard" on my kids. Very few people really know what it's like to live my life or go through my days or understand the struggles I have to overcome- yet there are thousands (THOUSANDS!!!) of STRANGERS who deem it their public duty to judge me (consider it a collective 'me') if I'm less than overly patient and sugary sweet to my children in their midst. Really, people? Really?

Bothered. 3) Immature drama/people. I have so many examples of this, it's not even funny. But I don't have time to act like a teenager. I've got macaroni to make, dishes to wash, toys to pick up, and children to put in bed. And that's just before 8:15 pm.

Til next time ...

The single mom.
(Krissy)

Laugh it off

I was on facebook earlier tonight and I watched (and then posted) the video from Jimmy Fallon's show with Justin Timberlake where they did a journey through the years of hip hop/rap. Which seriously.... Good stuff. Loved it.

I love me some Jimmy Fallon. Sometimes I remember to go look at his web page to keep up with all the funny segments he does and tonight I found the best of them all. He did it a year ago, so I was beyond late in discovering it but holy crap. .... The real housewives of late night. I demand you watch it. Now. I laughed so hard I CRIED. (which really isn't that hard to do, but it's the next level up from laugh-snorts)

I love having time to laugh... It seems to make things so much better. I'm posting from my phone... In bed... But one of these days I need to make some video posts.

Got something funny I should see? Send it my way! :) Til next time....
The single mom

What would Dan do?

My posts have been ridiculously depressing lately. Such is my life at the moment... and for that, I apologize.

My recently-somewhat-new-found blog superstar, Dan has lots of funny posts. People like funny. Heck, I'm usually funny.... (right?? ...... ignore the crickets.) and I look for funny. Dan talks about his awesome kid Noah and the fun they have. It got me thinking.... when do I have fun with my kids?  What do they do and say that's hilarious? I'm not spending enough time laughing with them... I'm spending more time giving them the "you-better-stop-hitting-spitting-calling your sister/brother/cousin/ME an idiot-slamming doors-screaming-running-jumping-JUST KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY" look. That's no fun. I used to be fun.

My kids say funny things. They do funny things. But half the time I'm too stressed or upset about something to notice. Allow me a few minutes to tell you about my kids.

Natalie - 4 and 3/4 - lover of all things Tinkerbell. Vivid imagination. Wants to be a ballerina. Loves dressing up. Lover of shoes, jewelry, purses and phones. Helpful when she wants to be, stubborn and flighty more often than not. Keen eye for things that are funny. Seeks approval from those around her. Plays well with others (most of the time). Can remember what we did 2 years ago, but still asks about 8 times a day what we did yesterday or what we're doing tomorrow. (lol) Wants to have a purple car when she grows up. Talks about being married and losing teeth. Can name all of her friends at the drop of a hat. (and there's a lot) Knows her alphabet, can count to 20 (and sometimes higher) and loves to watch tv. She's a good eater and will at least try anything you put on her plate... even if she doesn't finish it. Will snatch a capri sun or juice box if it's within reach, with or without permission. Has a tendency to be bossy. Likes to play the mom of Jonah when they play pretend. Creative and artistic. Looks just like me.

Jonah - 3 - lover of all things Toy Story. Bowling pro. Wants to run/eat/jump/fly/etc SUPER, SUPER, SUPER FAST! Will eat hot dogs 24/7 if I allow him. Lover of all things car or train related. Can hear an airplane or train from miles away. Silly. Loves to be tickled and kissed. Prefers to play alone - and will be sure to chase you away by screaming at you if you attempt to play with whatever he's currently working on. He's a little parrot and will repeat anything someone around him says. Has a beautiful smile and eyelashes so long, it's enough to make anyone stop and stare. Sleeps with a collection of toys and books at his feet. Independent. Loves to snuggle and give hugs and kisses. Shy at first, but opens up as soon as he's comfortable with you. Infectious laugh. Will repeat a task as many times as it takes until he deems it's done right (or he gets to do it without help). Looks a little like me, but mostly like his daddy. But he's a mama's boy. (And I promise never to interfere with his marriage. lol)

A little about me...

Krissy - 28 1/2- lover of food, sewing, nail polish and reading. Sells Mary Kay. Has a nail tech license. Incredibly disorganized and always runs late. Repeats hilarious quotes whenever she finds them. Loves to play games and laugh. Obsessed with music and loves to sing or play the piano. Prefers to sleep instead of clean. Stays up late, wakes up early.. (not by choice. lol) Has big dreams and awesome hair. Collector of purses, makeup, pens and random bits of various information. Sister to 4, mom to 2. Afraid of the dark. Loves to laugh and seeing her kids smile. Facebook and driving expert. Fan of Phineas and Ferb and Jonas Brothers. Hates shopping. Likes things that smell good. (lol) Texting extraordinare. People watcher. Loyal and creative. Looks like a lot of people, but mostly her mom.

Till next time ...

The single mom
(krissy)