Oh me? Don't mind my presence.

I'm invisible anyway.

I keep going through the cycles of grief....... I don't know what order they go in. Denial - far from it. Depression - check. Anger - you bet. Acceptance - not a chance any time soon.

These head rush sensations are bugging me.

Don't you hate it when you have a good day, then something happens and it pisses you off to the point that it makes the first part of your day seem insignificant? Don't lie to yourself. You know it happens. And if you're better than that, here's a gold star.

I need chips and ice cream. Now.

The single mom.

stress.

I've been incredibly busy lately, which explains the lack of posting for the last 10 days. I guess in a way it's good that I've been busy... it keeps me preoccupied. But honestly, the busier I am, the more emotional I become. It's like a constant reminder that I am doing this pretty much alone. Yes, I have my family here and I get a break every other weekend when the kids go see their dad. But I don't know how to explain it. There's no relief around dinner time when husbands usually come home from work. There's only 2 hands to take care of the kids instead of 4. There's only 1 set of eyes to keep tabs on both kids instead of 2. Day in and day out, it's just me. And I'm exhausted. I'm so exhausted I cry. A lot. I'm crying right now, for the love. My apartment is a mess, and even though I don't usually care too much about cleaning all the time, it still makes me feel like people are looking at me and thinking "Why the heck isn't she on top of this? What a slacker!" ... the same crap I dealt with when I was married. "you're lazy. there's no other excuse for it. no one else has a house that looks like this." Prime example of why :

Sunday was my mom's family reunion. After I realized that we wouldn't be going over to mom's house after church as usual, I reluctantly decided I'd cook something and we'd go. Mom was begging me to go anyway. So I get everything from the store that I need to make a couple things and Sunday morning I get up and start cooking. I made a homemade strawberry cake and Paula Deen's chicken spaghetti casserole. While I was busy in the kitchen slaving over everything (cause you know when it comes to food, I don't do half-a$$), my kids were causing drama in the living room. I'm watching them this whole time, but I've got egg shells dropping in the cake batter, flour to be sifted, noodles to be cooked, dishes to be washed, and I can't break away long enough to make them sit down and be nice. So they start having this "race" with my blinds hanging over my back door. I'm constantly telling the boy to stop. He LOVES to pull on the slats. Well, the girl and the boy BOTH starting pulling on the dang blinds and next thing I know I hear this crash. Yep. They pulled the whole freakin thing off the clips. Down onto my floor. I was supposed to leave at 11:30. By the time I got the food done, got them dressed, got myself ready and got the food packed up, it was noon. On the way out the door, I had my hands full and the boy managed to escape from me with a cup in his hand. (I don't like to let him out the door with anything in his hand. Here's why.) As I'm trying to get the door shut, and get the kids down the stairs, the boy runs over to the front part of the apartment building and throws his cup over the ledge. I was sure it was going to bust. I start walking over to go get him and make him get down the stairs and the girl was distracted fussing at the boy because he wasn't listening, that she slipped and fell down the stairs. Thankfully it was just 2 or 3 stairs, but she scraped up her back and was crying hysterically. I watched her fall, so I know it hurt. So I'm reaching for her and trying to make sure she's okay and comfort her, and the boy takes that perfect opportunity to take my neighbor's shoes that they leave outside their door and throws THEM over the ledge too. By this point I was pissed to the point I wanted to pull out my hair strands one by one and lock them in their rooms. I walk over to the boy and smack his hand, so I've got both kids crying and me fuming mad. We get down the stairs, pick up the cup, I get the cake and the kids in the car, then I have to pick up the dang shoes, carry them back up the stairs and get the casserole that just came out of the oven back down stairs. I was already sweating, we were late and I am always outnumbered.

It's stuff like that that is a constant reminder that I don't get a break anymore. Half the time the kids are gone to see their dad, I spend in the car driving to and from the meeting place. I stay up late just to get some time to myself, and get some work done... but by then, it's so late, I feel like a living zombie the next morning.

I'm trying to make my two businesses work. I want to be successful. But how can I schedule anything when I can't pay for a babysitter so that I'm not spending my entire appointments chasing after my kids and begging them to stop yelling??

I lose my insurance as soon as the divorce is final. I won't be able to afford my medicine anymore. Which means I have to wean from it. I have mixed emotions about that. I don't want to be dependant on it for the rest of my life, but I am terrified of the person I'll be once I'm not on it anymore. I can't handle comments from family or friends telling me what a stressed out, mean, crazy person I am when I don't take it. Cause you know it happens. I'm so stressed. I can't handle all this pressure. I can't do this by myself. I'm so incredibly lonely. I need a break so bad. One that's longer than a few hours or a day and a half. I don't get to ENJOY my kids anymore. I'm always the mean mom because there's not enough of me to go around to everything that I have to do. Even the basic things get pushed back because there's never enough time to do them. Don't ask me what I do all day... That's like asking why Michael Jackson was a weirdo - there's no good, real answer. I just know there's never enough hours in a day.

I feel rejected.
I look at the scale and never see the numbers come down.
I look at my bank account and wonder how long I have before I reach crisis mode? And how long will I have to be worried about it?
And what hurts the most ... are all the people I know who are in happy marriages, who have loving spouses, who are married to their best friends... there's this panic that sets in after you get divorced. You made this huge change, because things were unbearable for another minute. You give up the security. Even though things sucked, there was always the security keeping you there as long as it did. You knew you fit in. You had the ideal picture. You know that movie with Will Smith... "The Persuit of Happyness" (look it up. I didn't spell it wrong on accident.) ... I hated that movie. Bad things kept happening to him. There was never relief, there was never a good spell. One bad thing after another, after another, after another. I know my life hasn't gotten to the point that his was, but that's how it feels. Where's the relief? When will it change? I admire that he faked it every day to his little boy. He never let him see defeat. I can't do that. I'm not gloom and doom with my kids, but I find very few things left to enjoy because of my position. It's too hard to fake it. I think of him and being married and I want to throw up.

Obviously, I find myself in a dark hole right now. I have days where I feel hopeful. But right now they are coming few and far between. It's been almost 2 months now since I moved away. The divorce is final the end of June. Even then I won't really be free.

The single mom.

.....

Today I was the mom in Walmart that everyone was staring at. My boy (I like to call him little boy. ha) decided that Walmart was the place to demonstrate his very high pitched screaming. Over and over and over and over and over. His sister kept racing with herself away from me, which included falling down and tripping over her feet many times. It started before I even left the apartment. She smashed his hand in the door because she wouldn't listen when I told her to STOP messing with the door. So she got in trouble. My kids were both crying as loudly as possible going all the way down aaaalll our flights of stairs. Little princess that she is, got mad when she was at the bottom of the stairs and started hitting the side of the apartment building with her baby doll. I'm sure the people LIVING in that apartment JUST LOVED THAT.

All through Walmart, I was "STOP THAT!" "BE QUIET!" "COME BACK HERE!" ... I HATE being that mom. I got nasty looks from some women in the freezer section. I was on the phone with my mom trying to figure out what was for dinner and princess was running around and fell down for the eight hundredth time. I barely even looked up at her, only to say "I TOLD YOU TO STOP!" .... so apparently that awarded me "abusive mom of the year" award by the snotty woman in the freezer section. If she only freakin knew how the first HOUR of that trip had been, and what I deal with on a daily basis. I'm sure to her it just looked like I was a hateful mom who didn't care that her child just fell down, I was more concerned with my phone call. If I had the time or the patience, I would have stopped to ask her what her problem was. I was in THAT kind of mood today.

I'm feeling incredibly defeated right now. I'm so overwhelmed. I want soooooo badly to do well for myself and my kids. I just wanted to stop in the middle of Walmart and start screaming and crying myself. I still haven't been sleeping well at all. I got a call from a blocked number at 12:30 in the morning last night with some crazy message, they said my name and told me they know what I'm doing and that I needed to quit it or they were going to do something. I don't know if it was my brothers playing a prank on me or if it really was some weirdo... but it terrified me for a good two hours after that.

Anyways... I finally got my kids to bed after I got home, and I just wanted to sit down and collapse into a ball of emotion. So instead I played FarmTown on facebook. lol.

A song has been running through my head all day that always hits home... It was written by Michael McLean. I won't post all the lyrics, just the ones that keep ringing in my head. So get a kleenex. Or maybe I should.

A Lullaby For Me

I'm glad that you can sleep, I wish that I could too

I'm sorry that today I wasn't really here for you.

I must have slipped away to some far distant land

Where I'm the child who cries until her mother takes her hand

Today I have not been the mom you needed me to be

And tonight I wish that you could sing

A lullaby for me

This hasn't been a day that I want to repeat

I'm sorry I could only say I'm sorry while you sleep

Today I have not been the mom you needed me to be

And tonight I wish that you could sing

A lullaby for me

Tonight I need someone to sing

A lullaby for me

The single mom.

uh, duh duh duh

Why is it that BEFORE I created this blog, all I could think about is what I would say if I had one?

Now I do, and I feel like I'm staring at a blank chalk board. There's so much pressure! If I'm not witty or funny or entertaining enough, there you go, bye bye.

My Mary Kay kit came today. :) I'm sitting on my couch surrounded in materials that I'm slightly confused about. LOL I've been getting training, and trying to get up the courage to start asking people to let me practice my facial presentation. I'm a big wuss! I'm so afraid of the word NO. Who isn't? I need to meet them. lol

"Glambert" was on American Idol tonight. He's such a pretty boy. Too bad he's such a dirty freak. lol I told my mom I want to marry someone who looks just like him! LOL I'm not entirely kidding either. lol

My boy has been in this phase of throwing things. I'm about to lose it. He throws EVERYTHING. Is it a boy thing? Is it an age thing? I'm going mad! Cars, trains, plates, forks, buckets, shoes... if it's in his hand and the mood strikes him, he throws it. The boy can hurl stuff across a room! He's hit his older sister in the head many MANY times, and the crying never stops. "WAAAAAAAH!! MOMMY HE THREW THAT AT MY HEAD!!!" .... She's older, she's bigger... and she whines like a baby. You know those pictures online that show a mom with smoke coming out of her ears and her hair standing up like she's been electrocuted? I feel like that A LOT. I have two eyes, two ears, two hands, two feet and two kids.......... but I feel outnumbered by hundreds.

It's been two or three days now of falling asleep after 3:30 am. I'm so tired. I feel like I can ACTUALLY go to sleep now, but there's food that needs to be put away and my MK stuff is sitting out, no doubt in a place where my kids will think it all needs to be torn up or colored on. SO, that means I'll have to force myself to stay awake when I don't want to be to finish things that need to be done. By the time it's finally done, I'll either be so tired I won't be able to crawl fast enough to my bed, or I'll be so wired it'll be ANOTHER 3 am night before I can sleep. lol Choices, choices. Maybe I'll put up my MK stuff and leave the food out. No, I don't wanna do that because I made chicken stuffing casserole... and it's GOOD. Which means I need to do both. But I wanted to watch Glee, cause I recorded it. But WAIT! The kids will be with their dad this weekend, so maybe I can sleep in and watch my shows while they're gone! YES! One more day! I can do that!

My list that I need to get done before tomorrow is -
fold laundry - I have about 8 loads of laundry in various places that need to be folded and put away.. or washed. lol No joke.
do more dishes - it's like laundry... the more dishes you do, the more need to be done. I hate it.
vacuum
clean up the toys
clean up my room

and other stuff that SHOULD be done but probably won't get done tomorrow - clean the bathrooms, mop, crap like that.

I need more hands ... or just more of me. But that could cause some problems........ lol

The single mom.

I like ...

Sesame Street.

Team UmiZoomi.

House.

Glee.

Bones.

Law and Order (SVU. or Criminal Intent.)

Salads.

Cheeseburgers (homemade.)

Skittles.

White chocolate.

Pizza.

Bread.

Egyptian cotton sheets.

Feather pillows.

Quilts.

Having cold sheets. (and pillows. lol)

When my kids go to bed without getting up 800 times.

Where I live.

When my kids eat their food like they haven't eaten in days.

Being able to pick out my own furniture and decorate how I want to.

Laughing.

Hot showers.

Having friends.

My "job" (or jobs lol)

Writing.

The single mom.

The thoughts in my head

Just because I'm generous, I thought I'd give you guys a little sampling of what goes on in my head after the kids are asleep. That's a really hard time of the day for me. During the day, I go go go go go go go, trying to keep up with the apartment, the kids, being places, etc. It's completely different than when I lived in the other place.

See, that's part of the problem. I'll be thinking about one thing and it'll remind me of something else, so I start thinking about that and eventually it turns into this long, drawn out thinking party that keeps me awake for hours. WHO DOES THAT? I mean REALLY!

I go through various phases. I don't feel any pain or sadness over the love. I guess it died a long time ago and I just never knew that's what it felt like. There were no tears when I drove away from my beautiful house for the last time. Only taken by surprise when he asked me for the house key before I left. That was more painful than anything. The tears didn't come until after he forwarded an email to me showing me the pictures of the work they did on the house after I left. (They being him and his mother and brother.) I BEGGED him to let me paint that house when we lived there. BEGGED him. The kids would make huge messes on the walls and it was that terrible flat paint (tinted primer) that does NOT come clean, no matter WHAT you try. In fact, the more you scrub, the more it peels off or spreads the stain. So, I begged him to paint it with something that could easily be washed. Nope. Didn't happen. He was so insistent on being involved with the decorating, he didn't like ANYTHING I suggested. I'm not afraid of color. But I watch designing shows, so therefore it makes me an expert (*wink* lol) and I knew what to avoid and how to coordinate and such. But no, he was the REAL art expert and nothing I picked out was good enough. Or there wasn't enough money. Or whatever. I think it was just because he was too (*&^ lazy. Only when he was FORCED by someone other than me did he do anything. When we moved out of our first house? That was when he painted and did landscaping. When I moved out of the second house? That's when he did the painting and cleaned the carpets. *sigh* ... When I saw that email, I just fell apart. It feels like my entire existence in that house was erased. The only things that remain that have my name on it are the curtains I bought for the kitchen and living room, and a cute little bird house that hangs from my kitchen ceiling. :( You know how when you are living in a house, you think "Man this place is a dump! There's never enough room!" ... but then when you move out and it's all clean and done up to try to sell, you want to kick yourself because you didn't realize just how big that house really was? No? Just me? Awesome. Well... I had a HUGE yard. It wasn't entirely usable, but it was HUGE nonetheless. It was brand spankin new. It was in the country. I could see the stars without any obstruction. I felt safe there. (A little freaked out because it WAS so far in the country, and sometimes at night I would scare myself crapless because looking out the windows into the dark TERRIFIED me. But safe.) So my sadness now comes from not know if I'll ever have that again.

It's the not knowing. It eats me alive. I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me how long I'm going to live in this limbo. My child support pays for about half of my bills. But I can't afford babysitters to be able to work to afford the other half. So I'm trying to promote myself by getting a nail clientelle built up. It's going to take a long time though. I also sell Mary Kay. I do work for my mom. I can babysit. I do odd jobs, just hoping I can make enough money to support me and the kids. I stress about money all the time. I don't want to run out. Once my alimony is gone, that's it. And I'm terrified that day will come much sooner than later. HE on the other hand... lives with his mommy now. His car is paid off. Once the house sells, he'll have no mortgage, no utilities, no mortgage insurance.... only gas, cell phone and car insurance. Tough life, huh? Must be nice. Meanwhile, I'm bombarded with debt, a car payment I can't afford, insurance for every tiny little thing (except health insurance once the divorce is final) and all the other utilities that come with living in an apartment. It makes me so angry. I know I get more than a lot of other women in my situation for child support. But I'm still angry.

The latest saga is the utilities at the old house. Where we lived, the way they were set up is whoever is there, that's who's name they go in. He didn't take the time off work to set them up, so I did. Which means they were all in my name. Power, trash and water. My choices before leaving were shut them off and let him open a new account and pay a new connection fee, or find out what he needed to do to just do a name change and transfer it so the bills wouldn't follow me after I moved. I was the nice ex-wife. I trusted that he would find time in his days of NO responsibility and take the divorce papers to the various businesses and change the name on the accounts. I've been gone a MONTH now.... and I'm getting disconnection notices and bills forwarded from the utility companies because HE hasn't gone to change them yet! A lot of people are telling me, so what, let them shut it off... he can pay it to get reconnected - it's not your responsibility anymore! Which is true. I don't care if they get shut off and he has to pay. But I DO care that they are in MY name and it messes up MY credit when that happens. So I called his lawyer. She was supposed to call him today. He never made mention of it when he talked to the kids tonight, so I don't know what happened.

I know I'm so messed up in regards to trusting a man right now. But I'm terrified of being single forever. Yeah yeah, I've been told I won't stay single long, that I'm so fun, etc, etc. But I feel so damaged, so huge, so unattractive.... then add 2 kids to that? Any man near my age range is going to go running far away from that as soon as he hears the words. I don't want to marry an old dude. I just don't. But what 28 or 29 year old male is going to be ready to take on a fat chick with two kids? I just don't see it happening. I'm afraid to think too that there are single LDS men my age out there... but they hold on to the false belief that a divorced woman is unworthy to marry. You're probably thinking "WHY ARE YOU EVEN WORRIED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW???" ... and I ask myself that ALL.THE.TIME. I don't KNOW why I'm worried about it. I figure it has something to do with the doubt that I can ever provide for my kids financially without a husband to take care of me. Which I think is a very valid fear. But whatever.

That's the kind of stuff that fills my head... EVERY DAY. Useless stuff. Crap that I shouldn't even be thinking about right now. But ... it all goes back to money. I'm terrified of running out. I'm that way with everything. Toilet paper, cleaning supplies, food, diapers, wipes, laundry detergent, gas... you name it, I probably have a stock pile of it. Because I'm afraid to run out. I clearly have issues. lol UGH!

Now, if you'll excuse me... it's midnight and Wuthering Heights is calling my name. It's my "go to sleep" reading. And so far it's working... because I don't have the dangdest idea what this book is even about. lol

The single mom.

Sleepy mommy

I am exhausted. SO. FREAKING. EXHAUSTED.

I can't fall asleep at night. It's been this way for months. I feel relatively safe, so I'm not paranoid with apartment living. The kids sleep all night long. My bed isn't as comfy as I was hoping it would be, but it's not terrible. I just can't get to sleep.

It's almost 2 am my time, and I'm awake. Blogging. Being awake at this time is the norm for me these days. If I could, I'd like to sleep my days away, just like he did when we were married. Must have been nice to avoid all those responsibilities and then have the nerve to get mad at me because I was pissed that he wouldn't get out of bed at 11:30 am when I needed help cleaning up a massive mess the kids made. Oh yeah. That was constant. On the weekends, there was no use in getting anything done or going anywhere as a family. Nope, he slept it away. He would wake up around 3 pm, just in time for the kids to start falling apart.

In a way, it's much easier for me to be alone with the kids. I don't have anyone to tell me when something needs to be cleaned. I can do it on my own dang time. I don't have an extra adult that acts like a child and needs to be cared for 24/7. I just have two actual children who are very busy and make me exhausted. lol As if I wasn't already. "Sleeping in" for me now means anything past 8:30 (and those of you who know me well know that this is a miracle in and of itself) and time by myself is nearly a thing of the past.

I think tomorrow is a good nap day. *rubbing eyes* .... Maybe I should attempt a few hours of sleep before my hoodlums get up and start emptying my fridge. lol

The single mom.

My story

Most of you know me. You know a lot about my story. But I'm going to tell it anyway, so get ready. lol

I grew up like any typical LDS girl. Went to seminary, went to young womens, learned the lessons everyone else did. Find a returned missionary, get married in the temple and live happily ever after. And I did. I did everything the way we're taught to do them. I did everything right. And somehow, along the road, it all fell apart.

I got married March 15, 2003 in the Columbia, SC LDS temple. Things were .... definitely NOT happy ever after. I moved to an entirely different state, no family, no friends. Depression quickly set in, problems arose, in-laws interfered, and things got worse. Occasionally, we'd have good times. Things wouldn't be HORRIBLE, but they'd just be okay. Then we had a baby. Oh, how I loved being a mommy. I didn't have to work, I stayed home and took care of my sweet baby. And she had parents who just adored every little thing she did. Time went by, and baby number two came along. When he was about 6 months old, things took a turn for the worst. We both began shutting down. Mine was from post-partum depression. I don't know what his excuse was. Medical intervention was necessary. I started seeing about as many doctors as you can possibly see to get help for depression, and thought I was making improvements.

I knew things weren't right. I knew we had some big problems. But I thought we would be okay, because I was doing everything I could think of make it better. You see, HE was never to blame for the problems. Ever. It was always me. I wasn't doing this right, I didn't do this enough, if I would get better, HE could get better. We bought a bigger house. We moved to a new ward. But guess what, it didn't change.

In August, that's when the proverbial crap hit the fan. His dad became violently ill - a slow, constant sickness that just built up and got worse over a couple month's time. I had been working, and on my very last day of working at the spa, I got word that my father in law had been admitted to the hospital for the second time in a week. More testing was done, and the morning after he was admitted, he was taken in for surgery. It didn't go well and he never woke up. He spent about a week and a half in the ICU on life support, every nurse, every doctor trying every medicine and idea they could come up with to bring him back. Sadly, he passed away on the 12th. It was heartbreaking, unexpected and a big blow to the entire family. Of all of my in-laws, he was definitely my favorite one. He was the ONLY one who accepted me as I came. I loved that man. And he was gone. Even as heartbroken and devastated as I was, I knew it was only a grain of sand on a beach in comparison to how my (then) husband felt. He and his dad had a connection that is seldom achieved by many parents and children. They understood each other in a way no one else did. They weren't much for showing affection or even talking that often, but there was an unbreakable bond. With the death of his dad, came the death of his functioning. He stopped showering. He started sleeping when he wasn't working. He stopped eating. On and on this went, for weeks. Months. He decided during all this that I still wasn't measuring up to what he wanted me to be, and so I was put through a "boot camp" of sorts to teach me how to be a better wife, mother and house keeper. I was under the impression it was just his sister in law being nice, showing me how to keep my head about me. Looking back now, it was all to try to change ME. Like I was something broken that needed to be fixed.

September rolled around and I went to Texas to visit one of my best friends. In the turmoil of my father in law's death, the "boot camp", the changes, the depression, the problems - it was not the best of trips. I loved the time I spent driving. I would drive across the country and back just for the fun of it, if I could. I attempted to go home early, after 2 trips to the urgent clinic determined I had two VERY sick children and when I told this to my (then) husband, the answer I got was, "I'm not ready for you to come home yet". (yes.... this caused much anger.)

October came without much change. Things were still going from bad to worse. Then one day, a phone call came. His sister in law was calling to find out how things were. More of the same, I told her. He doesn't speak to me. He sleeps all the time. He won't take showers. He ignores the kids. Stressed about this, about that ..... The phone call ended with her promise that help would soon be on the way and they would get back in touch with us once they figured out what that help was going to be. I was thinking "maybe some money to help with stressful bills coming up. or maybe a week long vacation, just us." ..... Little did I know they were about to drop the biggest bomb on my head.

No, they didn't offer a vacation. Or money. Their solution was to send him all the way across the United States of America to live with them for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe 3 months. Maybe 7 months. Maybe a year! A YEAR! Or more! They decided I was more of a problem than a solution, and he just wasn't getting the help he needed where we lived. At first, (still unaware this was all just to get him away from me) I was supportive of this plan. "Time to myself, he gets help and gets better, we move away, he gets a better job.. that's fine with me". As time went by, and plans were made (without any discussion with me) I quickly became concerned that this was NOT just "help" because "life shouldn't be this hard". He took weeks to decide if he was going. His family convinced him that he should go. So I started asking if he was going to come back if he did leave. His answer was "I don't know. I don't have any plans". His mother came and packed his suitcases for him, packed his car and drove him (in his car) out west. He left. And he didn't look back. Days went by before I could get him to answer my calls. Emails, rarely a response. I had to start calling his brother's house just to find out when I would hear from him. And then, they started trying to convince me to send my children out there to live with them, so THEY could take care of them.

Around Christmas time, he finally came back. He was gone almost 2 months. He stayed in my house with me and the kids for 2 days. And then he moved out. Our divorce papers were signed the beginning of March and will be final at the end of June. I have primary custody of our kids and moved away from him and his family.

I will do my best not to mention names, or exact places - just so I don't end up with problems later on. This blog will be a journal of sorts for me.... where I can vent and scream and whine and cry and complain ....... but also, as life starts to turn for the better, where I can laugh, celebrate, and be happy. Obviously, I ask those of you who DO know me and DO know him and his family, PLEASE DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT THIS BLOG! DO NOT TELL HIM/THEM I HAVE FACEBOOK! I'm trying to keep things as private as possible.

So that's the back story. I left out A LOT of details on purpose, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Look for more postings soon.

The single mom.