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I had a conversation with him tonight. Quite a lengthy one. Here's the highlights that occured to me....
- his family still despises me. awesome.... however, no surprise there.
- he still places no blame on his family for their part in how things went down.
- he is still convinced our marriage was damaged beyond repair from the very beginning (unbeknownst to me.. I have my own opinions of it and it involves him just not being compassionate and patient)
- the majority of the pain I feel is not because I lost a husband, but because of the way his family feels about me... I think it stems from my belief that they had no right to judge me the way they did and treat me with such disrespect.
- I think I realize he will never change his opinions on what and where things started going from bad to worse. He doesn't take much (if any) responsibility for how it turned out and says the issues we had in regards to intimacy were because I knew about the porn... not because of the addiction itself. (justification anyone?)
Kellie Pickler has a song out ("Don't you know you're beautiful") - the last verse is actually talking to a middle aged woman and she says "So he left you for a girl that could be your twin, if you were 28 again" (which I am... lol) but the part that replays in my head over and over and over again -
"Let him go, let him fly. Keep your head up, get on with your life!"
Amen Kellie Pickler.... Amen.
The single mom.
Sounds like Kellie knows whats shes talking about.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Ryan goes... denial comes with addiction. Its a lot easier to blame someone else for failure than your own self. Stay strong Krissy things will get better soon. You just need to stay positive and count your blessings! love you!
Aren't you glad he doesn't live close by where you'd have to run into him~ thankful for the small things, right!
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up! Remember we are our own worst critics and others have survived what we go through so we can too.
You are doing great! Keep focused on the kids and enjoying being back in Charlotte!
It's like you have a clean slate~ you can write your own family story, starting here in Charlotte. We are glad you are back home here too!